action diary

More than ever these days, keeping myself organized is a daily process. There’s this. That. The other. Dates. Bills. Receipts. A to-do list. A calendar (or two.) And much as I love a clean desk, truth is there’s well-begun but half-done projects here and there, waiting for more time and opportunity.

So there’s often a desktop shuffle. And we all know — things get lost in the shuffle. Important things.

What I need – have needed – will need – is a system. And oh-the systems I’ve tried. So many systems, I’ve lost count. In all honesty, I reinvent wheels all the time. Or forget about the latest wheel I reconfigured in the time elapsed between its creation and the next time I needed to use it.

Sometimes I’d get all the paper completely organized and feel ever so self-satisfied.

Only to later forget what-all I did with any of it.

Maybe one system just blends into another, each indistinct from the last. Maybe it’s an aspect of aging. Or maybe my brain is more full of big ideas and less focused on small details.

Enter my latest system: an action diary.

Not especially detailed, my action diary is a collection of notes – reminders of what I did, when I did it, who said what, and where I put anything I’m likely to forget about, but will need in the future.

When did I call the cable company? Where did I file those receipts?

Simply put: an action diary is a record of my actions. A log of my to-dos — done.

Going forward, it’s the first place I’ll look whenever I’ve lost hope of finding that piece of paper, reset password, or whatever else I’ve forgotten between then and now.

I’m hopeful it works.

patience

It’s an -if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em – kind of day here in northern New England.

Rainy. Cold. Gray. Breezy.

It is Spring, after all. And every year I forget just how this season dilly dallies its way into becoming. Yes, I see daffodils. A tulip or two. And the lilacs are on their way. It’s my own impatience I struggle with. We need the rain and clearly, spring knows just what to do without any input from me.

Anticipation is nothing if not hope.

There’s beef stew in the crockpot. A soft blanket nearby to burrow in. Candlelight on the counter. An extra sweater. And a hot bath before bedtime is in the forecast.

Today may not be the day I hoped for, but it’s the day I have. I’ll enjoy the day and count blessings like raindrops.

And if the pansies on the porch can be patient, so can I.

an exploration

I’m exploring a day in which it’s hard to feel hopeful. In which the unexpected arrives. A day when what-ifs gather like dust bunnies under the bed. When what-do-I-do-nows show up, and their endless chatter about maybes and might-bes and possible scenarios make it hard to hear myself think. Forgive me, I say, I’m knee-deep in disbelief just now. I’m not ready for options. For optimism. For hope. On the other hand, I’m no wallower either. At least not for long. If not hope, then at least and at last faith enters the room. Pushing both sleeves up past my elbows, faith readies me for work. Even stronger than hope, faith will guide. Faith lights my dark thoughts, pushes me past disbelief, and strengthens me enough to overcome emotional inertia. Both authoritative and compassionate, faith kindly leads. More powerful, more passionate even than irony, faith can save any day – even one where hope feels a little lost. Faith finds my way. And hope follows along behind.

lessons learned from a sewing project

The journey is the reward. ~ Chinese proverb

There is much information to be gained by reading an instruction manual. Close reading often requires rereading. I gather an enormous amount of satisfaction from making something myself. I will make time for what matters to me. I can coach myself. Being willing to talk to myself is a strength. Impending impatience can, in fact, be averted. First efforts inform second efforts. I love choosing my own materials. Following a pattern once helps me adapt it to my own personal needs next time. Any progress at all – however small – is almost as fulfilling as finishing. I learn best by doing. And often, redoing. I am – currently – unafraid of mistake making. Creation inspires more creation. I still have dreams and hopes and learning yet to come.

I’m hopeful you’ll find my resource helpful:

Along with many other enjoyable projects, the pattern for this reusable bowl cover can be found in the lovely book – Simply Living Well – by Julia Watkins. You’ll find Julia’s website of the same name here. Julia can be found on Instagram @simply.living.well

evolution

Do you ever find yourself – feel yourself – transforming before your eyes?

(And by yourself – of course – I mean myself.)

Perhaps it’s a slow recognition. Or a sudden realization. What used to matter, doesn’t. New things – new ideas – do. Or maybe it’s a chance encounter with a new version of you. Maybe after many long years of becoming – you finally do – become, that is. An evolution of all the yous you used to know, used to be, or used to define yourself as. All together, all of you, gathering in one room.

Maybe suddenly you understand how (and why) to walk into today with exactly the person you are right now at this morning’s moment. Open to and energized for whatever you need, want, wish, dream, feel, hope, imagine, and choose. Maybe today’s the day you remember what’s good for you and proceed gently, lovingly, respectfully.

Or it could be the new knowledge that today’s steps, however small they may be, will lead to tomorrow’s and whatever’s next. That life is about building – and sometimes tearing down and starting over – but mostly building on all of the people you’ve been.

Or maybe you just got a good night’s sleep and you feel simply more capable in your own skin.

Rise and greet who you are.

(And by you – of course – I mean me.)

in the morning

lots of mornings lately

find me in the porch rocker

sipping warmth

predawn

bundled up

rocking

bird-listening

star-marveling

witness to light overcoming darkness

hopeful and humbled

unassuming

anything at all about the day to come

(perhaps already missing the night

just a little)’

gentling myself into morning

breathing deeply

the chilled air

sharing in

the awakening of birds and dogs and chickens

somewhere beyond, a woodpecker

knocking out a hallelujah – it’s a new day

and me

cherishing all the shades of blues or grays or pinks in one morning sky

just today

the world around me suddenly

clouded or misted or fogged

like some morning mystery

and softly, silently,

poetically

it began to snow

oh! darn!

The wool socks were a gift. Probably decades ago by now. I honestly don’t remember the occasion. Just the feeling of receiving them.

A humble pair of socks reminded me I was loved.

Tugging them over my feet on a cold day last month, I noticed a hole in one heel.

A shame, I thought. They’re too worn to wear. Care worn.

Oh! Darn!

The wabi-sabi of textiles.

Save what’s useful. Mend a simple something that’s good and right and true and personal. Tend love.

Save.

Mend.

Tend.

Appreciation for darning guidance found in: make thrift mend by Katrina Rodabaugh

in a winter garden

In a winter garden, I plan next season’s plantings. Reflecting carefully, of course, on last year’s harvest.

Now is the time for imagining the ideal. The time for optimistic enthusiasm before the rolling up of sleeves and the dirt of hard work and effort and hope collects under my fingernails. A season of dormancy. A renewal of strength, purpose, and spirit.

In this season of life and living, I’ll determine what’s important to plant. Which fields in my life to let lie fallow in rest. There’s preparation to be done. Research. Trust. Faith in the future. A belief in the cycles and pace of my own nature. Knowing the truth that all is as it should be: living in the cold, wind, and darkness of winter as necessary precursors to light, warmth, and germination.

I winnow through expectations, weeding out what I’ve got to let go. Sow starter seeds, watchful for what takes root. Which seeds prosper? Which seeds – promising as they may be – were never really meant for my own little patch of soil? Some seeds, I know, only sprout after repose.

How will I nourish myself? Gather strength? Coax growth?

In a winter garden, I reap what’s happiest in today, hopeful tomorrow’s garden will grow in it’s time.

lessons from a still life

make time . . . look for the light . . . appreciate shadows . . . find beauty in the ordinary . . . take one thing away . . . experiment and learn . . . change the lens . . . try again . . . focus on what’s right in front of me . . . move for a new point of view . . . think through problems . . . simplify . . . make adjustments . . . trust my eye . . . work is pleasure . . . it’s okay to make a mess . . . to create is to hope

when finally

Oh, when finally I feel better, the promises I’ll keep. The good will I’ll spread and gratitude I’ll share.

I’ll remember how I feel about most things. I’ll know how to string several words together to express a coherent thought. I’ll read fluently, keeping track of plot or ingredients or news. I’ll remember decisions I made when I was was well, when I was able to think clearly, when what was on my mind and in my heart was more dominant in conversations than my symptoms.

When finally I feel well, I’ll buy balloons for no other reason than balloons make it a party. l’ll revel in good health and confetti the floor, toot-tooting the New Year – no matter how many days late I am for the celebration. Big, red balloons. Full. Luscious. Bright. Happy. Healthy. Whole.

When finally I feel fine, the big, beautiful breaths I’ll breathe … fully and with utter appreciation. I’ll fold up my fatigue like a quilt at the end of my bed, ready – as it should be – for the very end of my day, not throughout it. I’ll taste. Smell. Smile.

Oh, the walks I’ll take, the hope I’ll feel, the life I’ll live.

When – finally – I feel better.