Yesterday I let myself feel all the day long.
If it sounds easy, it was not. Grief. Worry. Loss. Some sort of nondescript longing which comes and goes as an aspect of aging. I felt wistful. Wary. Proud. Driving in my car, windows wide open and I too open wide, singing along with the radio, wind in my hair. Up one side of emotion, down the other. I felt it all.
Some days, it’s easier to pretend I don’t feel what I feel. To push feelings away or replace them altogether. Shopping as panacea. Scrolling as anesthesia. But I’m learning I can care for myself in these times of strong feeling. I can allow myself the good grace to be exactly who I am. And feel.
Sit here, right here, I speak to myself.
Go ahead, cry. You need no reason or because.
Feel free to feel. You are a living, breathing, feeling human. So honor you. Care for you. Tend to you.
And feel.
It’s a vulnerability I simply must allow myself.
Today, I am refreshed and ready. Hopeful and happy.
Take good care.
one hopeful year 
Yes and yes, one day, every day. It’s hard work, this feeling thing. But it’s good.
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Yes, it is hard work. And good. Both. I have to consciously remind myself … it’s okay to feel.
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‘Shopping as panacea. Scrolling as anesthesia’
yes and yes. especially the scrolling. i’m keeping the laptop on my desk more often these days instead of dragging it around with me. and keeping the phone upstairs along with it.
small steps with big impact on my ability to focus on life around me.
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Good for you! Some days, self-discipline is easier than others. So is caring for myself, and they’re often one and the same.
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