I don’t know why I picked this day, time, and place to write again, but here I am. 

I’m transitioning. Leaving one lifestyle to live in the next as I close my career and cross into the wide-open world of now what? And maybe I should admit right from the get-go that I while have no idea what I’m doing, I’m feeling all kinds of faith that whatever’s next will somehow find me. In the air around me, there’s a sweet-smelling kind of hope like newly-turned soil or just-mown grass. A fresh, first time. A brand-new moment of me.

I’m not sure if I’m in search of a new identity or reacquainting myself with an old one. I’m conjugating … Who was I? Who am I? Who will I be?  I’m not so much making decisions as I am choices, and I don’t think I ever really understood the distinction between the two until now.  

My breathing feels as unrestricted as my day – a deep inhale and a slow, intentional exhale. And I guess that’s exactly where I am right now, the peaceful pause found in the space between breathing in and out, between an end and a beginning.

In the meantime, between all this new-found serenity and possibility, there’s boxes to be emptied, books to shelve, and rooms filled with tasks I’ve wisely left “until I have more time. “  Time I now have. Plus more to read, daydream, walk awhile down the road …

and write.

6 thoughts on “hello

  1. I went back and read a couple more of your past post so I could better enjoy this present one. And, enjoy I did. I was left with a strong impression that I have not made peace with a few things and maybe thats why this stage of life is so full of struggles. One of the very things I need to make peace with is getting older, I am 74 and for the last year my health has declined due to real ailments. I think I need to make peace with the fact I cannot change that and find more ways to live fully despite the health issues. I am a huge seeker of wisdom and I found some in your post, thank you.


  2. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. Aging and health issues are something I struggle with as well. Are you familiar with the book Women Rowing North by Mary Pipher? I’ve not read it all yet as I choose to read and absorb in small bits, but it definitely helps me gain perspective on what women experience and feel as they age. It offers me perspective and reminds me I am not alone. I find myself wishing I spoke more with my mother and grandmother about aging. In my experience, we just don’t talk about it, so it becomes a lonely, wistful, worrisome process. Maybe we can change that! Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing.


  3. I may be chronologically ahead of you on this road but many of your questions are still unanswered for me. Only after 2 years do I feel a certain footing in all of this and yet, it feels like shifting sand. As I read your previous comment I’m taking note of the book you mention and have felt the same about the questions I wish I would have asked my mom, in particular. I count it a blessing to be on this journey with you.


    1. Hi Debby! I remember reading some of the feelings you’ve shared about your experiences with retirement. It’s a nebulous time of feeling many feelings simultaneously, isn’t it? Shifting sands describes it nicely. I hope to explore more of this topic and continue to share as I “row” along. I’m glad we can help each other down this path. Companionship is important during this time of life. Thanks so very much for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

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