i’ve been meaning to write

i’ve been meaning to write
to send word
to put pen to paper
fingers to keys
to find release in the process
an understanding
a few of the right words
(or any words at all)
i’ve been meaning to write
for the pure pleasure
of the pen scratch
for the marvel
of how many times i forget
to cross my T s and dot my I s
for the twirl of hair
around my index finger
thinking thinking
for the cross-outs and arrows
and notes in the margins
i’ve been meaning to write
with a come-what-may pace
to “speed ahead of the censor”
to find truth
in whatever flows from my pen
to learn whatever it is
“I did not know I knew”
to show up
here
i’ve been meaning to write
from inside to out
to uncork the bottle
to chart a map
to discover
and when I’m done …
to hope
to put the pen down
and keep walking.