Sometimes life’s hard.
There’s grief. Loneliness. Worry. Disappointment. Sorrow.
Even in a hopeful, happy life.
Could be it’s situational and driven by circumstances outside of my ordinary day to day. Might be an old wound recently reopened. A good intention gone somehow wrong. Or maybe what I hoped for … dreamed about … counted the days until … somehow didn’t develop at all as planned.
Usually, I weep a bit. Slow, seeping tears. The kind that well up until the surface tension breaks, and they spill in a slow slide down my cheeks. Or maybe I turn away. Block the feeling. Avert my gaze. Deny it space or room to breathe inside me. I’m quiet. A little lacking in purpose. Adrift. Not much able to find comfort in almost any of the usual places.
I’m not sure what difference dawned in me today, but for today … I just want to feel the hard. Feel it all. The whole of it. Sit with it. Loll about in it. Inhale and exhale. Live through it and in it and on it and under it … until it’s over.
That’s what hope’s about, after all. The certainty, faith, and knowledge life’s circle will eventually take a turn toward better.
Because sometimes life’s hard.
And I want to live it all, learn it all, and love it all.
Even the hardest parts.