The air feels lighter this morning. And by the air, I mean my air which has been heavy and hard to breathe in.
I’ve learned such heavy and hard breathing doesn’t last. It usually means I’m on some sort of metaphorical climb to whatever the next life level might be. It means I’m doing work. Life work.
My birthday approaches. But I don’t think that’s really what this is all about. It’s not about the broken dishwasher or the tiny ants crawling endlessly around our floors. It’s not about family troubles or feeling invisible to my children or even -for once- the sleeplessness I’ve been experiencing lately.
It’s none of these things and all of these things. And more.
I guess, it’s about me. And what it means to be me, right here, right now, in this moment. And it’s about the me I wish I was. The me who should handle life’s work with more grace and less complaining. The me who should be able to relate better to my people. The me who should be stronger, less sensitive, more confident. I should celebrate more, worry less. And – I know – all this is about the future me. Where I go next. And why.
I came thisclose to deleting this blog yesterday. Much as I love writing and photography, I couldn’t (and can’t) really see its purpose, its function, its focus. When I write, I discover what’s really and truly on my mind and in my heart, but … so what? I think that’s the core feeling right there: so what?
Doesn’t there have to be a so what?
Now that I appear to be done climbing, for the moment anyway, it’s time to pause, catch my breath, and take a good look around.
My air is lighter. It’s possible I’ll see with greater clarity.
Where do I go next? And why?