like the tulips

I picked up my camera this morning, determined to photograph the tulips splayed across the counter in our kitchen.

Unabashed, those tulips flop this way and that, hardly noticing my admiration. Happy as could be. Happy as they are.

It’s no small feat chasing early spring light around our home, but it can be done. After a short tussle with some white backdrop paper and finding a focus, I feel . . . happier . . .

Happier, certainly, than before I felt the heft of that camera in my hand.

Happiness, I suppose, could be as simple as asking myself what brings me happiness – and answering honestly.

Aside from the considerable factors of living in today’s world which are well beyond my control, I can answer honestly and choose the day’s happiness.

Choose unabashed hope. Choose to admire my imperfections. Acknowledge my effort. Assume my beauty, regardless.

Like the tulips.

me as I am

I choose – today – to accept me as I am. Remaining open, of course, to who I may be tomorrow and remembering with grace who I may have been yesterday.

In an almost pensive anticipation, I look forward to meeting myself today exactly where I am – flaws, and fears, and feelings, and all. An anticipatory self-acceptance I don’t always – or even often – feel.

Hello! How are you? I greet myself in the morning mirror, pausing long enough to thoughtfully, mindfully, consider my answer.

Oh gosh . . . I think, I’m afraid. Afraid of so many things. But the future, mostly, I guess.. Yes, the future.

For him. For them. For us. For me.

For all of us, actually.

And as much as I want to push this fear away, a promise is a promise, so feeling how I feel is how I must feel.

There is a reckoning of sorts, allowing myself to be who I am. A piper who demands payment for the inner voice I’ve not listened to lately, all the regrets, the procrastinations, and now, the pretense of living each day as I always have – – despite my very real belief that so much I thought I knew is falling apart.

Still and all, who I am today is a woman who loves fiercely, lives a little tentatively, and worries endlessly. Today, accepting me as I am must include all of the above and probably more.

Some prayer. Some faith. Some courage. Some hope.