Quiet

We moved to our smaller, quieter town from another bigger small town almost three years ago. The first thing I noticed was how quiet it is here. Our last home was on a much busier road, and I could tell the time of day by the amount of traffic driving by. Now, we count more runners and bikers on our road than we do cars.

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It’s nature-loving quiet here. Who knew there were so many different ways the wind dances with leaves? So many melodies of rainfall? So many blends of bird calls? At night, barred owls banter back and forth throughout the middling hours of my sleeplessness. Because it’s so still and the whole world’s on pause, I hear them so clearly – and they keep me company.

Because I’m almost always awake.  The quiet’s out there and it’s the deepest silence I’ve ever heard, punctuated only by owl calls and the conversation going on in my head. My thoughts have stayed up too late – again.

As my heart waits for my three 20-something sons to come home, it feels like the peace our quiet road offers me at other waking hours, mocks me at midnight when I wait for the sound of cars – their cars – making their way back where I know they’re safe.  Middle-of-the-night mothering ebbs – but always endures.

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My thoughts cycle around and about and back again. There’s a long-playing list of things to do tomorrow, and my greatest resolve to do better, be better, live better, and love better always comes in the middle of the night. As I wait for their return, I’m also waiting and hoping and praying for faith to find me. All mothers need faith – especially in the stillness and shadows of the night.

One by one, the boys pull into our driveway, and I can rest a little easier, parking the anxiety roadside by the recycling and the trash. My thoughts sometimes spin awhile longer though because there’s tuition to pay for and plans to make and an endless number of details to remember and count like the stars lingering overhead.

But eventually even the owls move on and away, and so my troubles will soon too. Faith tells me tomorrow will find me – quieted and a little weary, but at peace – ready.

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I’m linking to #wholemama 

Visit with Esther Emery and all the other mamas writing about quiet this week!

16 thoughts on “Quiet

  1. “All mothers need faith.” Amen. I’m in denial that mine will ever be anything but little. They’ll never drive cars. (ha!) But I so appreciate you sharing this moment of holding stillness even in the dark of the night.

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  2. “But eventually even the owls move on and away, and so my troubles will soon too. Faith tells me tomorrow will find me – quieted and a little weary, but at peace – ready.” This. Faith. Quiet. Weariness. Honesty. Thank you for sharing your heart and this truth. I love this #wholemama community.

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  3. “There’s a long-playing list of things to do tomorrow, and my greatest resolve to do better, be better, live better, and love better always comes in the middle of the night. ” This happens to me, but often by the morning I’ve forgotten what I had resolved. I am thankful that God doesn’t hold us to our nighttime resolves, but gives us grace to accept where we are and who we are. We don’t know what the day will hold for us, but God does. We do need that faith to know that whatever comes we can be ready, that God will be with us giving us grace and strength. I, too, have 2 twentysomething sons and an 18 yr. old son, so I can identify with you 🙂 Glad to visit from #wholemama

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    1. Twentysomehing is hard for me. I’d love to connect with you more. Used to be my love was all they needed. Seems more is needed in these days, or less, I’m not sure at all. Thanks so much for commenting. It means a lot to me.

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  4. Oh man, the idea that middle of the night mothering ebbs but doesn’t stop, so powerful to me as I nurse my littles all night long in this season. I keep thinking about when I’ll get my sleep back, but we’re in it for good, now, yeah?

    Love the description of your home and nature-quiet, my favorite kind.

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    1. Nursing all night long was exactly what I thought of when I wrote that line. It was actually surprising to me that there I was – sleepless again. : ) Don’t worry. You’ll have many years of sleep back before you get to where I am. I have to say, I miss where you are. It’s amazing to see the almost-men my sons have become, but I miss what you have right now ad the mother I was. I’m not quite sure how to mother these days and it’s a learning curve I’m trying to figure out. Thanks so much for stopping by. It’s really cool to talk to another woman about these thoughts.

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