Heaviness persists. Deciding to let go and live more lightly is apparently a great idea in theory, but difficult for me to put into action. The week’s been a bit about intentions and some starts, a burst of energy or two, but not much resolution – and far too few steps forward .
I realized today that it’s the struggle which feels most uncomfortable, not the actual growth. I also came to understand that as long as I’m stepping forward at all, I’m not standing still. I’m going to give myself credit for movement – however small it may feel.
On Wednesday, I bundled myself all up and went for a walk in the cold. More steps forward. I found this door down one little alley. It’s striking – all black and stark and standoffish – but humbled a bit into place by the contrast around it. Doors can be like that: either all warm and welcoming or kindly go away.
Some doors should never be opened at all and it’s best not to be curious about what may be on the other side. Others – locked – prevent our passage even if we wanted to walk through. I’ve walked through more than one door I shouldn’t have and avoided altogether those which might have opened a better opportunity in my life.
Doors. You’re in, you’re out. On one side or the other. Open or closed. But either way, there is some element of choice about a door. Considering my very real need these days to keep stepping forward, I wonder what literal and figurative doors I could choose to walk through this week, as well as which to walk right by.
I’m on the lookout for specific and conscious choices here, and while there’s an element of chance behind every choice, there’s also an element of hope. Decisiveness feels like another step forward.